Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
