It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
