just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
