i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
