You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
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