I wish i was in the wii world.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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