chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
