The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
