That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
