I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Randomize
