im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
