I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
