And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
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