She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Randomize
