gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
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