Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
