Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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