the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
