Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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