So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Randomize
