I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Randomize
