So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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