Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
He's a Shit stain on my heart
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
