i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
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