Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Randomize
