Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Randomize
