what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Randomize
