My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
