Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
And then my night got REAL pukey
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
