Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
