no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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