My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Randomize
