i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
