the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
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