went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
