Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
