I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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