grandma shit on top of the toilet
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
