Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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