i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
