This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
