Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
