If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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