now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
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