if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
