i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
