How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
