I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
