would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
