Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
