Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
