We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
you would pick up someone in the library
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
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